You read that right. I’m touching it. Fanboys fuck yourselves because everyone does NOT need a PS3.

Just because the price is $299 now and you already have an Xbox 360 and a Wii does not mean you now should own the PS3 to complete the holy trinity of this generation of consoles. For serious.

Now that you believe me, I’ll make sure you hear me out. Some people really ought to buy a PS3. If for example, you have your Metal Gear Solid Collector’s Edition Solid Snake Commemorative Plate stacked next to your hand-knit Sackboy and your enormous selection of Blu-ray discs and you DON’T own a PS3 you should post your address here so everyone knows whose house to rob. You should also update your health insurance. Trust me on this. You’ll need it.

Essentially it all boils down to The Games. You can argue all day long about how superior the hardware is–and win–because it’s true and I hate you, but the reality is that none of that matters. It could be the hardware lovechild of super-hot robot model chicks, Wayne Gretzky and Chuck Norris, then hatch from a New Egg and I still wouldn’t care. The thing might only play Shaq Fu and Zero Wing and that’s bullshit.

Bottom line: Do you need a Blu-ray player + you play videogames? Are there games on PS3 or the Playstation Network you absolutely know you want to play (and you can only play on PS3)? Do you already own another more dominant console? It’s your money.

It’s sexy, it’s sleek, it’s the fastest car on the block, but just don’t buy it because your penis is small. Ladies, you either! Get it because you can’t live without SOCOM, Little Big Planet, Valkyria Chronicles, MGS 4, Disgaea 3, and Resistance Fall of Man 1 and 2. Otherwise you’re going to be playing shit like Lair and Heavenly Sword. They’re not bad games, but are they worth $299?

No. They are fucking not.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

10 Responses to “The Only Reasons You Should Own a PS3”

  1. J-Man Says:

    To me, it’s more like “The Only Reason You Own an Xbox360”

    2 days after the release of Rock Band on PS3, I went to my friend’s house to play. Immediately I knew I needed the game. I already knew I wanted a PS3 so people wouldn’t ask me if I wanted to buy Halo 3, Gears of Crap or some other half assed FPS.

    Seeing I didn’t have a TV, I went to buy one. I already knew which TV I wanted to buy, but I hadn’t need one until now. Each place I checked for the TV, I discovered they didn’t have any Rock Band bundles for PS3. After finding the TV on sale at Circuit City I still needed 2 things to play Rock Band today; the bundle and a system to play it on. I started to panic and called every game store, Wal-Mart and Best Buy type place in the area… No luck 🙁 Later I found out that nobody in VT, NH or upstate NY had any PS3 Rock Band bundles and started to blame the Canadians for buying them all… By this time Wal-Mart was the only place open and they had 360 Rock Bands, So SOS (Suck Off Sony).

    P.S.<3

    [Reply]

  2. Richard Says:

    I purchased my PS3 long before the price drop and don’t regret it. This generation of consoles has only a handful of exclusives that interest me. Back when 360s were going on sale cheap I tried making a list of games and couldn’t come up with more than three exclusives to that system I wanted. Of course the Blue-Ray player gets a lot more use than any of my consoles combined so from that perspective alone the PS3 makes perfect sense.

    [Reply]

  3. kaitlyn Says:

    I don’t see why anybody would want a ps3 anyway they are pricey and a ps2 is just as good if you ask me. It makes no sense to go out and buy a ps3 if you could just go out and buy a ps2 for way cheaper and still have the same quality i mean if you had a warranty but it expires which would you rather have to pay to replace a ps2 or a expensive ps3? i would rather pay for the ps2. Some people are really retarded to buy a ps3 there is no reason to own one unless you want to get robbed and murdered for having one.

    [Reply]

  4. Kelly Says:

    Ummm… If you would like to stick to games you are completely neglecting hardware, the controller, ect… But if you want to stick to games. Metal Gear Solid is the best stealth title to date. I dont want to forget GOD OF WAR 3. I feel manly just saying the title. The brutish ability to tear mythological creatures apart with your bare hands is every mans wet dream. The only amazing titles are the generic GEARS series and HALO. If I only wanted great shooters, I would only play on my computer.

    [Reply]

  5. Cake-Pie Says:

    >J-Man
    You are a bitch who only bought your 360 because of Devil May Cry 4. Even though you’re using the Rock Band excuse I know that for a fact. I speak the truth. PS: <3youBro

    >Richard
    You made a correct purchase! Hurrah! Most people are just fanboys. You have made a good buy.

    >Kaitlyn
    OMG spelling errors. I agree with you that ps2 has a lot more awesome games on it than ANY other console. But most people already have one. If you want a new system always look at the games it plays.

    >Kelly
    You can’t play hardware. You can play games. The Games a system plays is always the most important factor.

    [Reply]

  6. Zoran Says:

    Hello,
    Thanks for article. Everytime like to read you.
    Zoran

    [Reply]

  7. Porter Says:

    “Trust me one this. You’ll need it.”
    should be on, not one.

    As for the article, I couldn’t agree more. You may want to look into affiliate advertising, I’ll talk to you about this later. You name dropped 5 or so PS3 games, you can make those all links that lead to the product and get a percent of the sales, wouldn’t hurt. Anywho, nice article, keep the cake and pie coming.

    [Reply]

  8. Cake-Pie Says:

    Oooh, that’s ugly. I fixed it but ouch. I guess it’s true that you can’t edit your own writing.

    [Reply]

  9. Kir Says:

    What about Katamari Forever? :O

    I agree, though. Good points to think about in why to get it or not. I’m dying that I don’t have Little Big Planet or a way to watch my Blu Rays at the time, very much wanted to play Folklore, and was interested in Disgaea 3… But I just don’t have the money, and even with that I’m not sure if four games is enough of a reason for the whole system. (And I can always get a Blu Ray player for those.)

    Maybe when the next generation system comes out it will be cheap enough… Or it’ll have more games to make it worth spending on (and maybe it will even be backwards compatible?)

    [Reply]

  10. Arminies Says:

    I think the PS3 is the must have console now. yeah the 360 and the wii got their own, but at $300 it is the best. if you are like me and got a huge Tv, love movies and games, why not? Textures are better, Graphics more polished, 1st party exclusives trample the other 2. I need to see one game with the level of polish Uncharted 2 and Killzone 2 or Infamous have gotten that the 360 has. Halo is fun but it aint substance, lame single player and mind dumbing multilayer after a few weeks.

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply

Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 26th September 2009
Filled Under: Games, Old Cakepie.com