This is my Moriarty. And for you literature people out there, The Final Problem.

You see, there’s this ancient and powerful artifact crafted by strange and powerful gods, it holds its user in its thrall, forcing them to succumb to its will, releasing its captives only when they complete their quest.

“You must beat all 84 songs on The Endless Setlist. I am Rock Band. You will OBEY.”

Naturally, when it comes to Xbox 360 games I’m an achievements whore. This means in order to get all the achievements I must follow orders. I must defeat the final boss: The Endless Setlist.

I have to do this on Expert. Because everyone knows (even you!) that games don’t begin until you play them on Expert. Problem is, gathering your party members together for the task.

First, you have non-traditional party members: you have a drummer, a bass player, a guitarist and a vocalist. The only spell you get is “Overdrive”, giving your whole party a boost to their attacks against the song. The great thing about collecting enough MP/Mana to use this spell is that it also doubles as a resurrection spell in case someone dies. It’s very useful, but with an absence of other spells and with limited weapons you have to be skilled enough to beat the boss with actual skill.

This is where Livingston and Pizza bribes come in.

“That’s a pretty sweet quest reward,” you might say. And it’s true! But the problem is, you also unlock extra achievements if you pull this shit off without pausing the game, disconnecting any controllers, or dying. So no peeing. Unless you’re really quick, or disgusting. And I have a rule in my house: no peeing outside of the designated potty. For fuck’s sake, ew.

Adding males to your party might make this easier, as Rock Band 1 suggests “When you’re in a rock band keep an empty bottle in the van. You’ll see.” Males do have the drawback of smelling pretty ripe after about 2-4 hours of Expert play.

I think the key here is adding the “Hey bitches, it’s my birthday tomorrow. You OWE me.” factor. Wait to see if it works! Wish me luck, unless you’re on my hitlist of friends who can play on Expert. Because then you should avoid drinking anything until Thursday.

I sure wish Dr. House knew how to play Rock Band.

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3 Responses to “The Endless Setlist”

  1. Derrek Says:

    So, I’m a bit behind and only just got Guitar Hero World Tour. Do I get an endless setlist ever? What’s my final boss!

    Welcome to the world of blogging!

    –Derrek

    [Reply]

  2. Cake-Pie Says:

    Rock Band 1 and 2 have Endless Setlists. Guitar Hero World Tour is more for Drummer and Guitar class characters because the gameplay system is stupid for vocal classes. It does feature Ozzy Osbourne and Ted Nugent, though, so that’s boss fighting for serious.

    [Reply]

  3. J-Man Says:

    So, this Cake-Pie thing is kinda like John McCrea singing 3.14159265858978…. That might put “The Count” out of a job.

    Anyway, I would like to offer some last minute tips to help you with your near impossible quest for a flawless defeat on expert. I’ll try to stick to facts and make it in list form, because I know you love lists.

    1) 84 songs averaging including load times, say 4.5 minutes, is 6 hours 18 minutes.

    2) Not dying once for anyone won’t happen (I’m looking at the Drummer and Guitar classes). You need a really high level drummer to complete the set list without dying and an equally crazy Guitar wielder. 4 songs I often die once on are, Everlong, Teenage Riot, Panic Attack, Shoulder to Plow.

    3) You would need at least 8 power gaming multi classers, with strategic party combos for songs, planned switching and rests in order to not worry about bladders.

    4) The pussy out effect. To help alleviate this, you should start early and phase people out with replacements often to keep interest. Pressure highly with crying, and say things like “it’s my birthday and nobody loves me.” This will only work for so long and could turn some against you, so use it wisely.

    5) You need to be prepared for this to be the only thing your birthday will be about. Pain, suffering, guilt, sore fingers and throats. No time for jubilation. Only sacrifices to the inevitable failure.

    6) Have you seen the track list dawg, it ain’t pretty. Lets not forget these ditties; 2008 rerecording of Ace of Spades (over 20 years of smoking drinking and coke was not good to his already awful voice), Bodhisattva, Kids in America and Rebel Girl just to name a few.

    7) 49 hours is the total amount of contracted time for 7 people to assist in the completion of this task. Even at an under minimum wage rate of Hamilton/2 hour you’re looking at a bribery cost of ~$250, that’s 20 bottles of Livingston Red Rosé.

    8) 8 people drinking 60 liters of 11%apv Livingston over 6.5 hours is equal to 7 drinks per person per hour…

    9) Just doing singing will be your only hope. If you get squirrely, add a bassist and make sure you have Moran or Porter. This allows for the event to be the main show, but leaves much more of the party populous to spectate or do something else. Also you get people fighting to sing good songs and can rock paper scissors people to sing the shitty ones.

    Hope this helps!

    [Reply]

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Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 15th September 2009
Filled Under: Games, Old Cakepie.com