One of my Facebook friends posted this today:
 

picture is a meme poster. The background is grey, with an amused but smug-looking white woman drawn in black and white. It reads I'm tired of everyone wanting to be politically correct so they don't offend someone. You know what I find offensive? Not being able to freely offend others.
 
A lovely Facebook meme. Did it make you chuckle?

 

I see this kind of thing a lot from this person. My guess is my friend posts misapplied arguments like this to trololololol. He doesn’t want to be taken seriously, but he likes getting people’s panties all atwist. It’s sadism, really (not really). Regardless of whether or not he wants people to learn anything or reflect for real, I did anyway. The poster above illustrates an attitude I see a lot. Usually from those with the most social status and special treatment (those from the middle class, whites, and men), who are blind to the full scope of the complaints they hear due to the difference in their lived experience (ie: they’re not evil). What they’re saying is that they’re upset because they can’t freely say what they want. It’s oppression, really, they would argue.
 

Just like poor Daniel Tosh. (For more on this, google “Daniel Tosh” and “Rape Jokes”)
 

That Facebook meme suggests that people can’t say what they want to, that there’s some kind of censorship imposed on them for “daring” to offend. But no one is censoring here. Even Tosh is free to say what he likes, but it takes tremendous entitlement to think that means listeners must THEN respond to him favorably. That we must enjoy and respect what he says, just because… why, he has opinions? Yeah right. Welcome to the real world, my lovely friends. If your job is comedy and you aren’t amusing us, we don’t buy your tickets or watch your shows. Any response to you is actually speech and it’s just as protected as yours, and we’re just as un-entitled to you liking it.
 

Image is a still frame from Beauty and the Beast converted into a comic. The characters Belle and Gaston look like they're having a heated debate. Gaston's point reads: Why can't I joke about rape? Why are you feminists so overly sensitive?? Belle';s reply reads: Clearly you can, since you did - you're just mad I'm holding you accountable for your words. Jokes do not exist in some magical vacuum outside of society - rape jokes reinforce dangerous myths about rape perpetrators and victims, and if you are joking with a rapist and don't realise it, they interpret it as condoning their behavior. It's an issue worth being 'sensitive' about.
 
Belle reads a lot. Gaston really ought to see what she’s found out.

 
 

This “rape joke” example brings me to another insight. I think we need new words.
 

Offense for example. So many people use this word, so many others (usually members of favored groups) rebel against it.
 

What’s happening is, you say you’re “offended”, and what people hear is: “My wittle FEEEEEELINGs hurt!” But who’s going to care about your feelings being hurt? A huge percentage of people are going to think you ought to toughen up! They’ll think, “My goodness how did you survive this long expecting other people to accommodate your weakness?”
 

With that understanding, the offenders are then feeling justified to write memes about offense and censorship like the one I saw on Facebook. They say back to the offended, “Don’t be such a whiner!” They feel pretty brave “standing up” to this idea because it seems like everyone is just a mindless sheep complying with the request of this bellyaching “offended” person.
 

It’s too bad, because they’re so far off the mark. I blame the word “offense”.
 

The thing is, when a person says “I’m offended” they’re usually saying something closer to: “I am witness to you invalidating humans for an insignificant reason, and that is doing real damage and is utterly embarrassing and horrifying and I don’t think you meant it to be. I thought to tell you.”
 

It’s not that they’re feeling insulted! They’re seeing a breach in respect and decency. Not a small MISSTEP in protocol, or an incorrect use of etiquette. You have done something that they know to be molestation to other people, a form of corruption rotting good people (you) from the core. They see it and you don’t, and there has to be a better way to communicate that, because right now it sounds a whole lot like rigid rule-enforcing!
 

What happens next is everyone involved, not understanding each other, just splits off into teams. They play these roles, they jerk their knees, they get to feel super justified, super pissed, and while they’re playing this game no one is being understood.
 

The thing is, how could people understand each other when these are the exchanges happening over, and over, and over again? No wonder people are seeing each other as enemies! These words are leaving them interpreted as whiners, morons, or assholes.
 

Yeah, so the word “offense” doesn’t make people see anything. In this case it doesn’t even mean anything. It’s being used but not being heard.
 

Until a replacement word is found, when you would ordinarily use the word offense, say what you really mean, in long form. Skip the code word. You have to work a little harder and use a bit of finesse unless all you want to do is repeat the same scene over and over and over. Like Groundhog Day.
 

Image is a still frame from the film Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Bill is inside a truck, driving with a groundhog on his lap controlling the wheel. He is making a face like he's  got nothing left to lose.
 
Don’t be this guy. Still image from the film Groundhog Day

 
 

You want to say:
 

“I hated your rape joke, it was so offensive!”
 

Instead try:
 

“Not understanding why making jokes about rape is problematic. It goes against the unwritten standards of being a good person and I’m sure you intended this innocently but you make yourself look like you don’t understand the suffering of victims. It might be time to rethink this. I’ve spent a lot of time on this subject, so if you want some resources I can save you some time and send a few your way.”
 

It’s not cheeky or cute or rebellious to be “offensive”, it’s not brave or charming, it doesn’t make you look like a freedom fighter, or rulebreaker, or like you’ve figured anything out. People think that it does because they imagine “offense” as if it means “insult”. Insult is really not what people are saying. Really! Even the whiny ones. Learning about this will save you from frustration, annoyance, and will let you work on being a good person at the next level. What I’m saying here is not some alternative viewpoint, or niche opinion. It’s an attempt at translation. I think anyone involved in debating offense clearly cares, and when you care so much it can be hard to refocus from “defense” to “understanding” but there are clear advantages to doing so. I’d like to know if this was helpful or saves you some frustration. Have you been stuck in this cycle of uselessness and futility (no matter where in this pattern you happen to be stuck)? Is there something you’ve learned that you wish other people knew about?

Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 22nd January 2013
Filled Under: Everything else
Comments: 3 Comments

I’m just popping in for a quick announcement ^_^ I think I may have overdid it a bit posting so much lately, so I won’t be able to review anything today.
 

BUT
 

I set up a nice space for people who want to talk shop about Asian Beauty, find resources, post or read reviews, and heck, maybe make some friends! It’s brand-spanking-new so there aren’t a lot of people there yet, that means if you ask a question or having something to say you’ll be heard! Come support us and post a few things on your mind! I’ve been putting up some articles I think are helpful, and there will be more. I read probably 20-50 articles a day and I’ll be submitting the best stuff to the community.
 

http://www.reddit.com/r/AsianBeauty/I made the community on Reddit and if you’re new to Reddit this is a great time to learn how to use it, and there are a lot of helpful resources on how to reddit (it’s not that hard) just a google search away.
 

This is a good time to remind you that if you’d like to be a part of general Cake-pie.com announcements, deals, or updates (as well as see occasional but awesome memes) don’t forget to support the Facebook group, you can find us here.

 

Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 11th January 2013
Filled Under: Beauty
Comments: 6 Comments

Hey guys, you might be saying to yourself wow a second blog post? Sometimes Cake-pie makes 2 posts in a month, how crazy is it to see two in one DAY?? Well, ordinarily you won’t see this much posting, but there’s a DEAL you HAVE to know about if you’ve been interested in Pixi brand makeup but couldn’t afford their high prices.
 

Today on Hautelook you can get Pixi (and POP Beauty) products for huge discounts, some products are 70% off or more, and the majority are UNDER $10!! If you check it out and buy anything, use my link! It gives me a $10 credit if you do, and I will be very thankful to you for doing so.
 

I’ve been an Hautelook member for a while, but I’ve never purchased anything before (despite there being good sales before), timing wasn’t always right (their sales are limited time), or I didn’t have it in the budget (I’m on a fixed income).
 

The sale goes until THURSDAY AT 8AM PACIFIC, but I wouldn’t hesitate because shit is selling out already. It’s a popular brand and a lot of people are cheapskates like us and want the good prices, haha.
 

I hauled some stuff today, and I’ll share with you what I picked up!
 

image is a stock photo of the pixi nail polish in opal sheen, a pearly white color. It is in a clear glass bottle with a light green-grey cap.

image is a stock photo of the pixi nail polish in pink pirouette, a pearly neon pink color. It is in a clear glass bottle with a light green-grey cap, with a graphic of what looks like tinkerbell th fairy on the cover. She has blonde hair a white wings.

image is a stock photo of the pixi nail polish in fresh red, a pearly red color. It is in a clear glass bottle with a light green-grey cap.

image is a stock photo of pop beauty glitz blitz eyeliner in the color black blitz. Two pencils are shown, both are black with white lettering.

Image is a stock photo of a super pale green squeeze bottle of pixi brand fresh face healthy skin booster in peach. The cap is slightly goldish, and the lettering is a gold foil color.
Image is a stock photo swatch of the Pixi brand fresh face healthy skin booster in peach. It's a smooth peach colored silky liquid smudged across a white background.

Image is a stock photo of the Pixi brand brightening primer bottle. It is a very fair green, with a lighter green cap. The lettering is a sort of gold foil color.

Image is a stock photo of the pixi brand flawless beauty powder in shade #1, fair. Two packages are shown, one is closed the other is open. They are both light green with gold foil accent graphics and labels. The closed one features a silhouette of a fairy on the cove of  the package, the open one shows the contents and a small mirror inside. Both cases are square shaped.

 

Pretty nail polishes right? It’s like nail polish week with this and the Zoya Freebies I hauled a few days ago. I was interested in the powder because it looks fair enough to work on my stark white skin (my current powders are almost out, oh noes!). The eyeliner was pretty cheap, and I wanted to try at least one POP Beauty product from this sale. I’m not 100% sure what the Fresh Face skin booster does but I intend to see if it makes sense as a highlighter or maybe a totally natural blush look. I already have a few brightening primers, but they’re both a bit pinkish and I want to see what a pearly white one will do with my already white face (hopefully make it glow like the moon, not make it ghostly!).
 

That’s my selection, did you haul anything from this sale? If not, does anything look exciting or interesting to you? Tell me what you think of Hautelook.
 

This post is not sponsored, everything was purchased with my own money. See my Disclosure!
 

Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 8th January 2013
Filled Under: Beauty
Comments: 9 Comments
Image is a photo of the my beauty diary red vine mask. It's a small rectangular pale pink pouch with vertical stripes and tiny red wine bottle and grape graphics on the top and bottom of the mask. In the center of the mask it reads Red Vine Mask in english, and there are some words in Chinese characters as well, but I can't read them.

 

Hey guys, I’m still feeling a bit better, so I have another review for ya! I know you all still want the Coastal Scents review, and don’t worry IT WILL HAPPEN. I have to save that for a day when I don’t have a lot to do, thanks to Lyme disease I always have to ration my choices. A great story about how that works was written by Christine Miserandino called “The Spoon Theory” (read it here) and it’s worth reading if you or someone you know has a difficult illness or disability with a fatiguing aspect.
 

I picked up this particular My Beauty Diary (MBD) mask during my Imomoko haul in September (want to see what I got? click here). It came in the “Top Seven Sellers” mask pack, and I’ve reviewed almost all of them now (just the Black Pearl and Arbutin left!), so far the Bird’s Nest mask has been my favorite, and you can always read about my favorite products I’ve reviewed in my “Best of” tab on my top bar.
 

If you’re new to sheet masks, you should read about how to use them here. There’s also info on the different MBD masks there as well so you’ll be all prepped forever.
 

Upon opening the package, the scent truly does smell quite a bit like red wine, but it’s not like red wine really smells good, so I don’t know if that’s the greatest idea. It doesn’t smell unpleasant or anything, thankfully, but it’s not exciting to me.
 

As always, the MBD masks are very thin so I had to be careful not to tear it. Successfully applied, I left it on for more than the recommended 20 minutes because I’m a rebel. Afterward I didn’t notice too much of a change. The Red Vine mask is supposed to have a toning, brightening, tightening effect, and I did feel like my skin was “tighter”, like an astringent had been applied. It was NOT overdry, and I think with regular use perhaps it would be good for my oily, acne-prone skin (overdrying oily skin can trigger your skin to produce MOAR OIL, which is not desireable).
 

MBD also advertises that the Red Vine Mask has a lot of antioxidants, and perusing the botanical ingredients it has the “tea” plant (camellia sinensis), grapefruit, licorice, chamomile (beware if you have ragweed allergies!), and watercress (nasturtium officionale). In just a quick lazy search I found some pubmed articles on some of their antioxidant activities. If this mask does have antioxidant effects the benefits to skin would not be obvious with one use.
 

Ingredients:
WATER, GLYCERIN, BUTYLENE GLYCOL, PROPYLENE GLYCOL, ALOE BARBADENSIS LEAF JUICE, CAMELLIA SINENSIS LEAF EXTRACT, CITRUS GRANDIS (GRAPEFRUIT) FRUIT EXTRACT, GLYCYRRHIZA GLABRA (LICORICE) ROOT EXTRACT, TRIETHANOLAMINE, ARNICA MONTANA FLOWER EXTRACT, YEAST EXTRACT, STYRENE / ACRYLATES COPOLYMER, DIMETHYLSILANOL HYALURONATE, POLYSORBATE 20, METHYLPARABEN, HYDROLYZED LACTOBUMIN, CHAMOMILLA RECUTITA (MATRICARIA) FLOWER EXTRACT, NASTURTIUM OFFICIONALE FLOWER/LEAF EXTRACT, CITRIC ACID, SODIUM HYALURONATE, TOCOPHERYL ACETATE, SQUALANE, DIMETHICONE, CARBOMER, XANTHAN GUM, SODIUM HYDROXIDE
 

The Good:

  • Doesn’t smell bad
  • Does what is promises (tightening effect)
  • MBD masks are very cheap!
  • May even have long-term effects due to antioxidant ingredients
  • Doesn’t dry out skin
  • Good for oily skin

 

The Bad:

  • Not a moisturizing mask (but it doesn’t say it is, though!)
  • Smell is not bad but it’s also not exciting.
  • No way to know the concentration of botanicals, there might not be enough to do anything
  • Ragweed allergy people avoid it or your skin may react.
  • Not as effective as retinols or other expensive ingredients (but it doesn’t claim to be!)

 

Bottom line: I’d include this in a once-weekly mask protocol to keep skin youthful over time. I imagine the effect wouldn’t be very noticeable, you’re far more likely to get results from retinols, but it may help the health of your skin, and at the very least the astringent qualities can help oily skin.
 
Have you tried this mask? What did you think? What are some of your favorite MBD masks or other mask brands you enjoy?
 

Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 8th January 2013
Filled Under: Beauty, Reviews
Comments: 7 Comments
Image is a photo of the full size tub of the body shop mango body butter. It's an orange tub with a large mango graphic covering almost the entire package, a small body shop logo is in the center.

 

Hey lovelies! I have to say it’s great to be able to post so often ^_^ I’ve been feeling a bit better so I’m using the extra energy to be productive.
 

We all know I bought mongo amounts of products from The Body Shop recently (if you don’t know, check out my haul here). Although I got something on the order of a $188USD discount I still hadn’t reviewed a SINGLE thing! I’ve had my products long enough to try them out well, and I’m going to begin by telling you about the Mango Body Butter!
 

Image is a photo of two mango body body butters from the body shop, each a different size. The full size on the left and the mini on the right. The image has text under each. Under the full size the text reads: Big Girl Size; under the mini it reads: mini. They are slightly different shades of orange, and the graphics are different, but both feature mango graphics.

 

The first purchase of the Mango Body Butter was actually a few months back when I picked up a mini to try out. It smelled so good but I didn’t want to blow $19 on a product if it didn’t work well, or if it broke me out (yep, body acne is the worst!). The mini product went FAST, so when I started my haul I decided it was time to grab the Big Girl size.
 

So first you already know I love the smell, it’s the most amazing scent and MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE BODY SHOP SCENT. It doesn’t smell the same in all versions of the Mango products (the body scrub, the lotion, etc), and to me the body butter is the best smelling of the Mango line. As for other favorite Body Shop product smells, I like limited edition Cranberry, and many of the Strawberry line. Remember folks, I’m biased against flower scents so keep that in mind.
 

Image is a photo of a finger with a swatch of mango body butter on it to show texture and color of the product. It is truly like butter, though it is more orange in color. The texture is silky and  smooth.

 
To me this is a fantastic product, does a pretty good job of making my skin softer, and after putting it on my skin feels moist which is important in this dry Vermont wintertime. I’m not sure the formula is strong enough to justify buying it over cheaper body butters but for me it is because it doubles as a scent. I’ll literally put it on just to smell good for a few hours, to cheer myself up and enjoy having a lifted mood for a bit.
 

Ingredients:
Water, Mangifera Indica (Mango) Seed Oil, Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Almond) Oil, Theobroma Cacao (Cocoa) Butter, Glycerin, Cyclomethicone, Glyceryl Stearate, PEG-100 Stearate, Cetearyl Alcohol, Lanolin Alcohol, Phenoxyethanol, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Xanthan Gum, Benzyl Alcohol, Disodium EDTA, Hexyl Cinnamal, Linalool, Amyl Cinnamal, Benzyl Benzoate, Limonene, Potassium Hydroxide, Sodium Hydroxide, Citral, Eugenol, Farnesol, Geraniol, Citronellol, Annatto.

 

The Good

  • Smells the best out of any of The Body Shop’s current selection of body butters
  • Doubles as a body scent, especially if you can’t do perfumes. It’s mild but warms the heart just a bit.
  • Does NOT break me out! In fact, I think it helps my acne heal because of the moisture effect.
  • Works as a body butter too, for some reason.

 

The Bad

  • While pretty affordable, in this economy $19USD can be a lot to pay for a body butter. You could do what I did and wait for a sale before loading up.
  • It does work, but it’s not ZUPER FANTAZTIQUE enough to outperform cheaper body butters.
  • Comes in an unhygienic jar. I’m always worried about contaminating it with my gross human hands. Thankfully it uses safe and powerful preservatives otherwise it’d make me break out.

 

Bottom line: I love it. It’s one of my FAVORITE products from The Body Shop BAR NONE. Seriously you guys if you could all smell it you’d be in love with it and want to buy it flowers. Would I recommend it? YES, I’ve even bought it to give as gifts. If the price doesn’t scare you try it out!
 

Have you tried it? If so what do you think? Does it smell good to you?
 

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Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 7th January 2013
Filled Under: Beauty, Reviews
Comments: 19 Comments