Archive for the ‘Pie and/or Cake’ Category

PAX East and I’m going!

Thanks to the excellent media wranglers handling the expo, I was approved for my Kombo.com press pass for the event! This is awesome since I applied wicked late, and just whiskered my way in.

From past experience, I know that gaming cons are usually packed with people elbow to asshole. Adding to that, anything that Penny-Arcade touches multiplies attendance by Higgs-Boson. If you have cool questions for any panel, and you’re NOT ATTENDING PAX EAST submit them here, I’ll probably remember to ask them. Keep in mind, if I wander by the games area I might blow off every panel and play like, DDR or something.

My plans for the event are as follows:

Thursday:

  • ??:?? o’clock  ARRIVE, pick up media badge
  • Gameshark Dinner

Friday:

  • Journalists vs. Developers: The Ultimate Grudge Match
    Manticore Theatre
    Friday, 2:00pm
  • PAX East 2010 Keynote Wil Wheaton (I’m going to try and get in, if I fail, I’ll just go play games)
    Main Theatre
    Friday, 3:00pm
  • <GAMES><INTERVIEWS>
  • Friday Night Concerts!
    Main Theatre
    Friday, 8:30pm
  • The Future of PC Gaming Yes, there is one!
    Wyvern Theatre
    Friday, 10:00pm
  • <PARTIES, GAMES>

Saturday:

  • Early Media Access on the Show Floor 9:00am
  • Greetings from a Dead-Tree Dinosaur Cartoonist v1.1 (FoxTrot’s Bill Amend!)
    Manticore Theatre
    Saturday, 10:00am
  • The Death of Print (this should be good, I watched my own employer die. RIP, CGM)
    Manticore Theatre
    Saturday, 1:00pm
  • A Sophisticated Evening with Rooster Teeth Productions
    Main Theatre
    Saturday, 3:30pm
  • Podcasting (f)or PR (interested in cakepiepods?)
    Naga Theatre
    Saturday, 5:30pm
  • Hal Halpin and Adam Sessler Talking Games
    Manticore Theatre
    Saturday, 7:00pm
  • Saturday Night Concert (if I can get in, otherwise ROCK BAND FREE PLAY @11pm)
    Main Theatre
    Saturday, 8:30pm

SUNDAY:

  • 9:00am PA Media Panel
  • So You Want to Get into the Game Industry?
    Naga Theatre
    Sunday, 11:30am
  • Penny Arcade Panel #2 (this or XPLAY, both are likely to be full)
    Main Theatre
    Sunday, 1:00pm
  • X-Play LIVE: A Show on Television (this or the PA panel, both are likely to be full)
    Manticore Theatre
    Sunday, 1:00pm
  • Forcing Your Way In & Coming Out On Top: The Game Industry in
    Rainbow Color (if I can fit it in–see what I did there?)
    Wyvern Theatre
    Sunday, 1:30pm
  • Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Game Journalism…
    Manticore Theatre
    Sunday, 2:30pm
  • Closing Ceremony
    Main Theatre
    Sunday, 5:00pm

Winter Wanker!

The world misses me. I know. Sorry, world, I’ve been out.

Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be this way.

I live in the cheerful, weather-lottery state of Vermont, formerly its own magical fairlyland Republic, long before Texas made it cool (true fact!). The great thing about living here is accessibility to bored nerds who have formed their own bizarre culture of board games, videogames, comics,  Star Trek, cosplay, role-play, and more! The downside: pick your weather out of a hat. It could be anything. Also, use a really cool hat!

A lot has happened since I dropped off the planet (I learned the hard way: the Earth is flat!) try and stay out of the sun while you read this list, you could get skin cancer (and I’m spiteful!).

  • I was invited to be a guest panelist in This sweet Three Moves Ahead podcast! You like games, you should listen to it, it’s way better than listening to Rush Limbaugh! We talk about how weird it is that girls play videogames, Bayonetta, and also strategy gaming. If you’re into strategy keep up with Flash of Steel and their aforementioned podcast, it’s a great way to do the community thing.
  • I started writing at Kombo.com but so far, I’ve only written a couple of pieces (you can find links on the sidebar by clicking “Kombo.com Articles“) . They have some really smart people writing, plus you can keep up with news and not have to deal with sensationalism in game journalism.
  • I have Lyme Disease. Ticks bite you, you get sick. It’s a bitch. Mostly it sucks (har, har) because I’ve had to prioritize my health and I let CAKEPIE.COM slide!!! What the fuck is wrong with me?!! On the good side, I’m starting to feel a bit better, I hope you can look forward to more writing!

I love bullet points! They’re marginally better than numbered lists!

Thanks for reading, also thanks for commenting. I appreciate my small, but fantastically attractive community. Seriously, do you model?

Shirts are Mathematically Constant. W00t!

Cake-pi at WOOT

Cake-pi at WOOT

Yes, folks, you missed possibly the best day on Shirt Woot EVER.

Thanks to Ms. Kira Awesome for pointing this out to me. A little late, but still.

Think you can do better? Show me! If I like it you may just get your graphic put at the top of my website forever! You won’t be paid, but if you’re a struggling art graduate student it would be a good portfolio piece.

To see exactly what kind of style I’m looking for (though I’m open to your creative wackiness) check out the fan page for cake-pie.com on Facebook HERE. You should also join, if you’re a fan. Which I think you are.

Send your e-mails to cake-pie at cake-pie dot com ^_^

Thanks To Me, Thanks To You!!

I can’t tell you how much I love Thanksgiving. It’s my very favorite holiday! Not because I’m a consumer whore who digs all the Black Friday sales, NAY! It’s the only holiday untainted by such! Even better: awesome food without the obligation to guess what other people want/need without going broke enough to re-gift. Nearly every other holiday requires some kind of gifting and boy does it suck to not be able to read minds. Next year, get me that for my Birthday. Mindreading!

I’ve found a couple of great things to be thankful for, and regardless of your personal spiritual/philosophical/apathetic views you can always appreciate some goodness!!

Zahada is an ongoing logic/reasoning/smartness game that will steal many hours of your life–for to have smart brains!–if you can figure out how to get started. It helps if you’re a nerd! I won’t give you any hints past that, but expect your head to a-splode with figuring. I landed myself in trouble around level 34, see if you can get there and find out what I mean! Please post no answers or spoilers in comments or I’ll burninate you. Or edit your post in an embarrassing  way. Don’t test me!

Faux Food –You probably think you know what this is, but let me tell you, punk, you should check this out anyway. I read this blog because I’m a girl and I love fashion so sue me, but look at this article!! Look at the om nom noms!! Thinking about a weird-ass Thanksgiving dinner? Here’s some inspiration. I especially love the Swedish fish sushi! I really want to try out the Jell-O Fruit!

Korean Dramas! Okay, so maybe you’ve never heard of these? But Korean dramas are leagues ahead of our own, mixing stories that will make you laugh, characters that will make you cry, and lots of hijinks and alcohol abuse. South Korean film-making is so good Kim Jong Il, in his infinite crazyness once kidnapped a film-maker and his wife, a former actress. Why? Because he wanted him to “Make good films”, which apparently iron-fisting and opium farming can’t provide on it’s own. Silly freedom and it’s good film-making!! At any rate, I’d recommend some, but my favorite (Exhibition of Fireworks) is not working right now. Just read the synopses for them and pick one. Give that at least two full episodes (they’re broken up due to size), you’ll be hooked.

If you get the ITIS this Thanksgiving now you have some clever sport to add to the holiday when you wake up. Try out my kind of fun!

“We’re Made of Star Stuff”

“We’re made of star stuff
We are a way for the cosmos to know itself” –Carl Sagan

This is an epic science cake right here. If you didn’t recognize these men, I’ll help: first you have Richard Feynman on BONGOS. Then Neil deGrasse Tyson AUTOTUNED. Next, Carl Sagan, and BILL NYE.

You might know that Richard Feynman worked on the Manhattan Project, how atomic! But chances are he was a super-famous physicist before your time. He did pioneer that nanotechnology thing, which is a far cry from bongos, and he won the Nobel Prize. In fact, even if you don’t know who he is, he’s probably the reason you know anything about quantum physics, as he spent a lot of his life showing how valuable it was, thus popularizing it.

The amusing thing about Neil deGrasse Tyson autotuned here–besides wanting to shake people in the streets? He did an entire segment on the subject of autotuning for NOVA Science Now, which is very informative. You’ll be an expert in it’s use after you watch him trying to sing.

Naturally, this isn’t the first time Bill Nye has appeared in a music video. Watchers of his show have cringed at the songs included in every episode of Bill Nye The Science Guy.

Carl Sagan is probably best known for his books, of which Contact was one. But did you know he was awesome? I certainly hope so, for the sake of sciencekind. Many of the shots in the video come from his Cosmos television series. Google him.

You may recognize the shot with the skin cells in the picnic guy’s hand from the Powers of 10 video. I watched this in science class a long-ass time ago.  It takes you to the smallest atomic stuff to the biggest cosmological stuff. It’s amazing! You can see it here.

“We have traveled this way before, and there is much to be learned.” –Carl Sagan

Gamers type? (Part 1) *Guest Author*

What are your gamer numbers?

I was going to make a negative and/or sarcastic reply to Cake-Pie’s Post here, but a counter-article seems more constructive. Game companies shouldn’t waste time trying to cater to gamer types and just focus on making a good game instead. Like Cake-Pie said: “They own a lot of the same games the rest of us buy.” When a game is being made, you have three pint glasses: the first is for graphics, the second gameplay, and the third is depth. And game developers only use 22-30 ounces of beer to fill them up. But that’s a discussion for another day.

Moving on to the Bars of Destiny! To keep things simple let’s think of gamers as two slider bars, each with a scale from 1 to 10. To do this, we identify the two things that are most important to all gamers and games in general. If we do this right, we can use this scale to review games, as well as the people playing them. Ever wonder what kind of gamer those reviewers are before reading their review? It matters.

Let’s get down to business.

Slider 1: Personal immersion and investment level: This slider indicates how much of yourself you put into gaming. Are you playing the game, or is the game playing you? You’ll find things like controller throwing, swearing, adrenaline rushes, peerless concentration, and high blood pressure the higher you go in this scale.

People with Tens in this category will become the game. Quickly breaking the game down to what needs to be done, and then how best to do it. You will WANT to destroy anything in your way; and if you mess up, die, fall down that pit, or hit the wrong button, say goodbye to a tiny peace of your soul. You will have your own style to playing and assimilating with games, and your personality will be evident in your gameplay.

Games with no immersion qualities by virtue of design will only hold a Ten’s attention if there’s something to figure out or accomplish. Without that, the game must rely on difficulty to get you “immersed by retrying.” This forces you to figure out why the game is so hard, causing you to really focus on being–and beating the game–down to its coding if you have to, because you are determined to win. Ghosts and Goblins has no story keeping you going, just infinite lances and infinite continues. If you’ve played it, you understand the retry immersion from level 3.5. In order to see level 4, the game and your soul must be one, or you’ll just give up or get bored. This kind of investment means you spend lots of time really thinking about the game when you’re not playing it. Tearing your attention away from a game you’re attached to takes a lot of will. If you’re a Ten, you’re probably trying to figure something out in a game right now.

Now, let’s look at how Ones define this category. Games are flashy pictures on your TV. You can pick one up, enjoy it, and turn it off without a second thought. You might even enjoy the story more than someone who is a Ten. You’re watching the cut-scene for its cinematic value. Plus, it acts as a nice break from having to push buttons on the controller and move around in-game. Or it’s just a good time to put down the controller and pick up a beer.

Ones like a nice pace and difficulty curve that allows you to just pick up the game and play it. You’re turned off by games with somewhat complicated controls or reactionary moves that take memorizing. In your type of game, either you figure it out, or you can sit around and grind until it’s not so hard anymore. Because you’re playing the game to relax, it doesn’t bother you if you’re mindlessly killing the same monster for an hour. By the time you come back to the game, you can still have that hour’s fun again anyway. You aren’t going to be living and breathing the game, nor would you want to.

Reviewing:

If you wanted to use The Bars of Destiny as a reviewing scale, you just have to figure out how much the game can take hold of you. Does it suck you in, or does it just suck. Some characteristics to consider as you’re thinking of what’s important to this scale are:

  • Sound Dynamics: Whether it’s sweet Mega Man-like techno music, or important positional audio like SOCOM, sound is a major key to immersion.
  • Total Epicness: Do you like huge boss monsters, seemingly unstoppable forces, or throwing cars at things? Me too! There’s nothing like getting into a game because of its total epicness.
  • Direct Involvement: Gold story, green story, who gives a shit? Is your character there just to complete the game, or do you want to use your character to complete the game? Think Devil May Cry 3 cut-scenes, nobody knows what the story is, but you just saw some dude throw a sword off a building then run down the side to catch up to it, meanwhile shooting a shit load of things, and that dude is YOU… sign me up!

Slider 2: Gaming depth, detail and demands: To be continued….

Rare Announcement!

These are boring, so I’ll stay cool.

There will be some neat things added soon to Cake-Pie!

  • Thing #1: Guest posting! Other people besides Me will be posting! So be sure to check the author before sending your hate mail ^_^
  • Thing #2: Reviews! Chances are these will be vintage games, but watch out because you don’t know what the fuck we’re going to do! Wacky!
  • Cat-In-The-Hat: Interviews!! I’m already talking with cool people who might be neat to hear about. Answers to questions will ensue!!

Hopefully you fuckers like the changes! They will be beyond awesome–nay! They will be: The. Best. Changes. Ever. (At least until the changes after those.)

How Datable is Mr. Spock?

Ladies, we all know how much sexier Zachary Quinto is playing Spock in the new Star Trek movie than creepy mother-fucker Sylar on Heroes. There’s a reason: Spock is far more datable than Sylar. That much is obvious. But how datable is Spock himself? I explore this strange, new concept through anecdote and my own clever deductions.

Now I had to look it up, but I remember the episode where Spock was captured by Nazis and tortured for information about the Enterprise shirtless. I know it was like a million years ago when that episode was filmed (or technically, hundreds of years in the future), but Spock was showing off his man-pecs effectively enough to ensure his hottie status. The episode is called “Patterns of Force” from the original series if you want to see what I mean. No manscaping back then, but he looks better than Kirk–who is shirtless in like 20% of Star Trek episodes. He also looks better than Will Riker from The Next Generation. Suck it, Will Riker.

Next: Spock’s sensitive! I know you’re about to argue me on this because “Blah, blah, Vulcans hate emotions, blah, blah”, but we all know how happy he was when he was infected with Omicron Spores and got to live in  paradise and even confessed his love  to the botanist chicky during this time–before Kirk (who was unaffected) ruined it for everyone. This episode is called “This Side of Paradisebecause it was.

Before that Spock expressed something like actual joy when his betrothed skank T’Pring made him and Kirk fight to the death while Spock was all plak tow-ed. Spock thought he killed Kirk only to find it was a ruse that Kirk and McCoy planned in order to save the captain. He was all “JIM!!!” and stuff. That’s Vulcan for “Holy shit, man! I’m filled with delight”.

He also plays the Vulcan Lute. Chicks love musicians.

Girls also love witty quips  from emotionally unavailable guys, so there you have two full demographics of female wants completely covered with Spock. Girls who want innocent, sensitive men; and psychos who want emotionally unavailable smartasses.

He lives a lot longer and healthier than normal men, since he’s half-Vulcan, and if you can keep him in the spores, he’s pretty much the nicest, smartest guy ever.

He’d be totally datable and he’s very loyal–as exhibited on the Enterprise in probably 70% of episodes. He’s unlikely to cheat (except for cheating death) because he doesn’t lie. And chances are high that he doesn’t have the herpes.

I have to down-rate him for his completely ridiculous adoration for both Star Fleet and Captain Kirk. You should always come first, ladies, no matter if he’s in his pon farr or not. There’s also the chance that he’s more into guys than girls. Good news for military gays!! This makes him way more datable to you. Bad news for creatures with vaginas that are NOT Captain Kirk.

Points off for his potential crush on Kirk, his obsession with Star Fleet over anything ever, and his 7-year wait for pon farr. Of course, if you can just hit him with spores, none of that will matter! He’ll be happy too, so you don’t have to feel like a poisoning psycho bitch. About his time infected he later reflects that this was the first time in his life at which he had felt happy.

Overall, I’d give Mr. Spock 4 Cake-Pies out of 5 for datability. Did I mention Vulcans have two sets of eyelids? Well, they do.

Nostalgia is going to the Blogs!

It has recently come to my attention that the game magazine I used to work for (which is now sadly dead) is not buried, but somewhat zombie-like.

As you may know from reading my About page I used to be on staff at Computer Games Magazine, and when we launched our new gaming magazine MASSIVE (which turned into MMO Games due to another magazine named massive) I followed there as well. It was really awesome for every reason you can think of. I even got this free chair which everyone insists is a sex chair (but is clearly NOT). Bottom line: E3, Games, NON-sex chair, Meeting EVERYONE. It was sweet like pocky.

It all ended when CGM’s publisher got into trouble for spamming with another project completely unrelated to CGM or MMO Games Magazine. So you can imagine how sad we all were when we were told that the publisher lost the lawsuit, everyone had to leave, and the magazines were gone forever. I really did <3 CGM and the different voice we had in the game world. We had the largest female readership, and we had possibly the smartest reader’s letters.

I got all nostalgic and Googled: “computer games magazine” articles (then added) “tiffany martin” in the hopes that someone out there remembered. Someone out there still believed. Someone out there had copied articles onto their website illegally and I could still read them. Instead, I found two very unusual things: archives at our old website www.cgonline.com, and Troy S. Goodfellow.

Troy and I used to both write for CGM and I was just tickled to see he was blogging out there somewhere. Check out his site at www.flashofsteel.com and if you’re a strategy gamer you can listen to his podcast Three Moves Ahead with actor Tom Chick who was Oscar’s boyfriend in The Office (he does other stuff, too, or so I hear), Julian Murdoch, and Bruce Geryk–another old CGM-er.

It’s really nice to scroll through old articles and remember some good times, shitty games I had to review, and great E3 interviews. I also recall the time I scammed my way into the behind-closed-doors area of the Nintendo booth at one E3. Or the time a Russian Developer gave me a bottle of Vodka–I shit you not.

It was the best of times, and it really was. Working right near home, and traveling far, far away. Who could want for more?

Panic in the Rock Band

Well, my birthday wish did not come true: My Rock Band achievements have not been accomplished–YET!

The main hangup is even though the universe has sought to bless me with at LEAST four players who are Expert level Rock Band Drummers, not ONE of them can beat Dream Theater’s Panic Attack. I made a checklist of why this is bullshit.

  • Three out of Four of these fuckers owns the Ion drumset. You don’t pay $300 for a set of plastic drums for a pretend band in a videogame if you do not KICK ASS, ie: have the ability to beat every song on expert. It is just not done.
  • Everyone was whining about how hard Foo Fighters’ Everlong was, and then bragged all over the place about how now that they could beat Everlong they were complete as Expert pretend drummers. Apparently not!
  • My friends who are real life actual drum players don’t play videogames. This could be because they’re practicing their music, but whatever. They’re not going to be able to beat Panic Attack either.

I also seem to only know three players who can play expert Guitar or Bass on every song. Which is fine, because I know about a half dozen more who can play Hard consistently and Expert on the easier songs. Since a lot of these people (like real guitar players in real life) are multi-classers they can take the load off of my High-level Drummers/Strings by helping out on easier songs. This increases my chances of success.

Coordinating all these people is going to be a challenge since for some reason many of them seem to have real jobs or something. Grabbing the six-eight people I want for true Platinum success as a real achievement is asking a lot when you need a minimum of 6 hours and 15 minutes to beat this setlist.

I still believe I can make it so. I’ll keep the updates on here. Once I get this achievement you will see some Cake-Pie fly. Which is a lot more awesome than pigs. No matter how many pigs you use.