So people tell me all the time that I have anger issues. Overall, the unwashed masses aren’t very observant about things outside themselves, so I ignore them. This is the right thing to do, and here’s why: They tell me this because I swear at screens and not people–clearly they can’t seem to tell the difference.

As far as I can tell, no one has deliberately made an Anger Quest game or Fuck You, Your Character Dies adventure; but sometimes it feels that way. REAL gamers just play their games, and continue to do it until the yelling sounds like this: “Fuck you Game! How did you like that? That’s me winning.”

Most of the noise I make is when I school my AI opponents. It tends to be loud, sometimes really racist (“Dwarves are stupid”), and often occurs when I’m in a hurry to collect phat l00t and some NPC is jibber-jabbering at me. I’m just saying what you’re thinking, only out loud: “Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares. Where’s my goddamned gold? Sweet! Now I can breathe underwater!”

Unfortunately, fighting games make me look like a wife beater. Which says a lot, since I’m a woman. Sometimes people give me shifty-eyes for days when they play a fighting game with me. Especially Soul Calibur IV. Everyone talks a little trash now and then, and if you don’t, it’s because you’re undead. Nobody cares about you.

What happens to many of us, though, is we relax, forget that gaming is Vital to our self-worth, and we are polite when playing with our friends. What happens to me is that I never forget. You hit me with Astaroth’s stupid fucking axe in that annoying circular swipe move? Well, regard that as your moment because soon I’ll be Kancho-ing you with Xianghua’s Tai Chi sword like it’s Christmas for weird people. I’ll really enjoy it. If you’re kicking my ass (as if) I’ll remain silent until it’s my turn.

Here’s the part where I really sell you on this not being about anger: I swear at screens when no one else is around. I swear playing single-player games. I swear when I’m winning. I swear when I play Katamari Damacy.

People with anger issues get all fussy and  throw their $50 controllers at their $800 TV’s because they missed a jump and now they have to go all the way around just to try again. Again. They get pissed off when you beat them over and over in Mortal Kombat, they also call all your moves cheap. They refuse to EVER play Counter-Strike again because of “Fucking Campers”, ie: because they lost.

I can be guilty of videogaming extroversion. Maybe you’re just like me. You know, talking to NPC’s like they’re real, crying when the ones you like die, and tossing one-liner insults at the ones you don’t like as if they can hear it.

Highly delusional. But just happy as a clam.

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3 Responses to “Anger and Its Favorite Players”

  1. Arminies Says:

    LMFAO! Anger in gaming rocks!


  2. David St. Pierre Says:

    Swearing at Katamari Damacy? That would almost be a challenge for me. You know, aside from the one thing on everyone’s mind when they play that game. F’ing drunk, pick this crap up yourself.


  3. Porter Says:

    Haha, that was an awesome read. I definitely talk to the screen plenty, even when alone. I also talk crap when playing a fighting game, it’s essential to the winning experience. I find it odd that we’re more quiet when losing, perhaps it’s due to focusing on how to change that, and win. As for tossing controllers, I haven’t tossed one since the NES days, and anyone who’s a classic gamer should know that the NES of all systems is the one exception to controller tossing.


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Posted by Cake-Pie
Dated: 20th October 2009
Filled Under: Games, Old